Four days ago on May 25, which happens to be World MS Day, I heard the words, "You have multiple lesions that are consistent with MS."
The day before that I had a brain MRI with and without contrast, so when my phone rang at 8:00 in the morning from The South Bend Clinic, I knew something was wrong. As my Rheumatologist told me the news I had to fight back the tears, and as I hung up the phone they poured from my eyes as fear ran through me. My husband was at work and I didn't want to tell him while he was there. Sobbing as if someone had died, I called my mother who I haven't spoke to in months. The first words out of my mouth were, " I know I'm not your favorite person lately but..." unable to control my sobs I finally manged to tell her what was wrong. I felt so terrified and helpless, my thoughts went to a friend and clients of my mother's that has MS and is paralyzed. I guess my fear is just of the unknown. I have already been unable to do things that I used to, how much worse will I become?
I have decided that MS stands for Mystery Solved...there have been so many weird things going on with my body over the past few years, so every time I think about some of those odd things, I say, "Well Mystery Solved, now I know why this or that was going on." Although I would rather be saying Mystery Solved because a cure has been found.
Every time I stutter or struggle to find a word or can't remember things, it's a reminder. Every time I stumble over my own feet because my legs just don't want to move, it's a reminder of what is to come. I have already have thoughts of looking for a wheelchair. I enjoy going to festival's and things like that but as of late my legs and back can't take walking for too long. They seem to be get weaker and weaker, which really sucks because a flight of stairs now kicks my ass.
I am in no way ready to get worse. So I am going to fight it all of the way, I just wish there was a cure for this damn disease.
